I think feeling the shame tells us there's a need, and the need reflects an injury. By verbalizing any part of this, it opens it to healing. Therapy isn't necessarily about whether or not the need is fulfilled; it may feel so because the injury often comes from childhood , and we often respond with a child's emotions. I think that's why it's so easy to perceive boundaries as rules, and as an example of withholding. But really, it's about revealing the need to ourselves, coming to understand it, and the healing comes from those feelings being accepted by a T without judgment which begins to heal the injury. Over and over again. Whether or not the needs are fulfilled is separate. Some needs, once the feelings surrounding them are accepted, don't require further response. Others, after the acceptance and understanding, can sometimes be fulfilled because at that point, fulfillment isn't substituting for our emotional work. At that point, we're able to accept the fulfillment fully without dependence. We're ready to respond without the childhood distortions.