I'm sorry you are in so much pain . I can relate to love being the same as pain, because it hurts when your love seems to go unnoticed or the person seems to reject it.

But, I don't think you should give up on love. It is a precious thing to have. Love is the angel that walks beside you in life, there to fulfil your every wish. Even the Holy Spirit sometimes has the name of Love. Protect it.

And, don't wish for numbness, it is terrible. I have felt it. As a person with an extremely low EQ, the sum total of my feelings is about 3. I am empty, I feel mostly nothing, only loss and guilt. But, the third, albeit rare, feeling I have is love, and that I would never ever give away. I would rather have that one great feeling than 100 other feelings. I consider myself extremely lucky, that despite my mental difficulties, and emotional wasteland, I can feel the one greatest emotion anyone can feel.

Now, I may not be able to accomplish much given all my issues and despite my ability of feeling love deeply (it has gone unrequited my whole life basically), I still would never trade it for numbness. Numbness is never numbness in the true sense, it's a terribly painful feeling and is like being in hell.