Thanks, Kraken. How are things for you now?

I guess I don't have a purpose behind my original post, other than to get these feelings out there.

For years and years, in therapists' offices and among very close friends, I fought against my own feelings and brainwashed myself into believing, "NEVER EVER EVER TELL THIS STUFF TO ANYONE."

A few weeks ago I did open up and barf all of this stuff to a gay friend of mine that I wish was a closer friend, and just saying it out loud was a breath of relief.