Hi guys! I'm new here and glad to have found this forum.

I have been in therapy for almost a year, (just 1-2x monthly) and am having a lot of difficulty talking to T about what I need to. I get a lump in my throat, turn red, and freeze up, hem and haw, start crying and apologizing, etc. when she asks questions. I talk a lot, I just have trouble getting into really emotional stuff. The minute I leave her office, I know exactly what I want to say and I'm kicking myself.

I daydream a lot between sessions about talking to T openly, (almost like rehearsing,) but in sessions I can usually only get little bits out. I guess it's a trust thing that will take time, but I feel so frustrated because I'm ready to start working through certain things, if I could just talk.

I have considered explaining this, and asking T about email or journaling. She has only emailed me about appointment times a couple of times before so I'd have to ask. I feel it may be easier for me to write my thoughts outside of sessions and then us discuss more in person.

Here's the catch: I've recently realized I may have a few OCD tendencies. One thing I do is edit anything I write obsessively, especially if another person will read it. (Going to try to resist doing it with this post! So hard...)

I stay home with my 2 young kids, and writing a page could hours of writing, editing, rereading, deleting, etc. I put more pressure on myself when it's something personal, so this could be a doozy. I also tend to put things off writing about important things when I need to because I'm such a perfectionist I know it will be exhausting. I almost don't even want to open this can of worms.

I know this is a weird set of communication problems I'm having, but has anyone been through something similar? If you feel anxious opening up to your T in person, are there any strategies have you found helpful for that?

I apologize for the length. It probably would have taken me hours to cut it down to the "right" length, haha.