I have similar issues - to me, "needing" any form of support goes straight into just a "want" category in my head, and then I tell myself that I should just keep it to myself and not bother anyone - I'm very indepdent. I don't know how to actually rely on and trust someone, because I always think there's an ulterior motive or that there are expectations that I'm unaware of... or simply that they'll bail out quickly.

I know that my T wants to help change that, it's been talked about but it's not THE topic if you get what I mean? He knows that I don't trust and that I don't really share anything. He encourages me to email him as he knows that I don't call. I've actually emailed him on occasion - a few times more as a record so that I couldn't just avoid a topic or lie about it, so it wasn't really reaching out for support or reassurance.

He wants to help me learn to trust and view him as a safe source. He doesn't do anything obivious to earn that, which I appreciate. I did actually find myself emailing him a few times when I was having a meltdown, and I actually even called a left a voice mail once. In those situations, he's gotten back to me very quickly.

I find it reassuring and helpful to know that I can contact him outside of our appointments. The fact that I actually reached out showed me more than anything else that I am actually making progress and am learning to trust him more.