Soooo, I had a **** pdoc at the VA who never listened, and being the VA he was my only option, so over the last six or so months I've weened my myself off meds that, at best, I didn't think we're working. I got medicated this time round while I was in rehab because I had spent 2/3 of my waking hours drunk for the previous 5 years.

So it's been almost a decade since I've not been numbed by booze or pharmaceuticals and I feel like I'm feeling feelings for the first time. It's quite a profound experience. No extreme highs or lows (yet), simply, if I watch or read something sad it makes me sad, and vice versa happy things make me happy.

Don't get me wrong, as soon as I have a job to where I can afford mental health care outside the VA, I plan on talking to a legit pdoc about finding meds that work for me. But at this current moment in time feeling like a "normal" person experiencing genuine feelings without gobbling handfuls of pills is pretty great.