So I am playing the piano, have a degree and professional certification, have been to 3 continents and some very strange travels. I speak a few languages other than English. I am a published author.

But for the last few months, I have been struggling with a relapse of depression aND anxiety. I can't do anything right, my brain tells me that I suck all the time.....I am unable to work and function like I can. Next week I start an intensive outpatient program to help me past this.

I am not trying to brag, but to demonstrate that depression can be so profound that we lose sight of ourselves. You've heard others talk about your writing. I can say that a first recital is nervewracking....most beginners will speed up their speech or peice. 1:50 for a 2:30 piece does not seem unusual for those circumstances. All writers worry about being trite and cliche and think their work is poor. That's why the common guideline is to write or edit, not both.

Not to say that your experience is wrong but that your perception may not be reality-based at the moment....when we start to have depression or other MR issues, our brains lie to us and tell us that things are horrible and that we are worthless. It has no basis in Reality.

I think your brain is lying to you. I think you are in bad shape, because you sound like me right now and I am in bad shape. I think you you need to be seen. Please print this out and show it to a psychologist or psychiatrist.