Seriously? You leave letters on the kitchen table for him to read because he won't let you finish your thoughts without interrupting ? That is dysfunctional on so many levels.

You are involved with an addict. Period. No matter how funny or charming or anything else, he is still an addict. An addict's primary relationship is with the addictive substance. Not you. You know this from experience.

As long as you are with an addict who is not in treatment, you will never be no. 1 with them.

If he wants to change the subject and deny that he has a problem, that is his right.

If he wants to go an AA meeting or drink himself to death, that is his choice.

You have choices too. You can continue in this role or you can do something for yourself. Something empowering. What have you got to lose? Imagine how it would feel to have a say in your life. To not have to leave letters laying around in the hope of getting your needs met. To not have to use the words anxiety or despair when talking about yourself. To not be immobilized by shame.

Isn't that better than waiting for the next binge?

Not to push an agenda, but i really think you should give Al-Anon a chance. At the very least it will give you a reason to go out.