So I'm not sure I belong here. I think I have depersonalization disorder.

I've had the other Seesaw take over enough times now (although I'm aware of what she's doing, just have no control).

I do have PTSD. I see a therapist and just got a new pdoc. I'm also diagnosed with major depressive disorder and panic disorder with mild agoraphobia.

The way my T describes it my personality is fractured, although not to the point of having alters, the pieces just don't function together. So depending on which part of my personality is strongest at any given time or is deciding it's taking over, that's who I come off as. Sometimes it's nice, sometimes it's overly aggressive, or overly emotional, or completely weak with no confidence, or bursting with confidence. The "real" me is always aware of what's going on, but it doesn't feel like I have any control. I guess out goal in therapy has been to pull all these parts of my personality together.

However, "bad" Seesaw had been getting stronger and stronger. Before, I didn't blackout, I just slipped into a dissociative state. Today I blacked out, and ended up crashing on my bike. There was kind of a change over. I got home, came upstairs and SI'd really bad. Then "bad" Seesaw got me to Urgent Care and made some story up about falling on the bike (which did happen).

I can even hear her in my head right now, saying things like "I take care of us, so shut up."

A lot of the time her words are very weak and she can't take control; like the other parts of my personality are able to restrain her. I haven't figured out the trigger that allows her to gain full physical power though. Again this isn't DID. It's all me, it just helps me to refer to these different parts of my personality so I can understand what's happening to me.

Does anyone else experience this?

I feel so alone and I don't understand what's happening to me. I haven't really told my doctors about the full extent of this. I have another pdoc appointment in two weeks, and I'm thinking about telling him the truth.