So this afternoon I had my talk/confrontation with my Mother. I just couldn't take it anymore. I let everything out, told her about how I felt, how she hurt me, that as an adult I need my own independence, and this isn't healthy. I told her she forced me to make a choice between her and my ex-GF.

There's a lot to cover, and I can't really think straight having just come out of all this... just a ball of nerves and shaking at the moment, we had three to four hour talk. But what a lot of it ultimately comes down to is, is that she's obsessed with sex. The reason she called my girlfriend a *****, is because she was in a long-term relationship for a while, so she's not a virgin, and therefore I shouldn't be with someone who isn't a virgin. And if she ever found out I slept with someone outside of marriage, she told me she doesn't want me in her life, and that she'll completely disown me. And I honestly don't feel threatened by that, because it feels a lot like an empty threat. I can't see her getting by the rest of her life without me in some way. But who knows, I can never tell with her. Part if it is a guilt trip, and part of it is that she really does believe it.

As far as our living arrangements and finances are concerned, I told her that I'm going back to work, and I'm going to be looking after my own bills and finances from now on. But we both know that I owe her money in the years she's helped me. I told her to make me a list of what I owe her, but that it needs to be a capped list. I can't be paying forever; there can't be an invisible number, because knowing her, it would never end and I'd paying until the end of time. And there's also the fact, even the times that I have worked and paid for my own things, everything is hers - she and my Dad paid for it all.

Ugh, exhausted from today. But I do feel better to having gotten this off my chest with her, but there's still a lot of work ahead, and I need to begin working on a way to move out.

I'll write more when I get my composure back.