There are needs we all have that are in the realm of " normal" and manageable and workable. Totally agree there. The problem I've experienced is being on the receiving end of a spouse who has a huge, deep, well of need that he often expects me to fill up when the reality is that there will never be enough of me to fill that hole in his life. He has to learn that he is going to have to work on himself to seal up and heal the gaping wounds at the bottom of that hole so that what gets poured into the hole from me or his kids or his interests or his friends, etc. doesn't just continue to drain out the bottom.

That's where a good therapist certainly can come in. A person to work with and talk to and learn from who is skilled enough that those wounds and the hole they have created won't overwhelm or exhaust. It is important to remember that the therapists objectivity allows them to hear our stories and witness our distress with skill that others in our lives may not have been able to simply because they are not professionals. We don't generally have to woory about draining them like the "laypeople" in our lives might have been. That's one of the great blessings of a good therapist.