I'm sorry, but I think that weather or not the need get's fulfilled is important. It's very nice and idealistic to talk about the need and all the pain that it causes, but at the end of the day people really deserve to have their needs met, not just acknowledged.

It's not a question of deserving, it's a question of healing so that we become free of those needs, originating from childhood injury, that prevent us from living our highest potential. Acknowledgement isn't "just"--it's an integral part of healing.

We live in an emotionally bankrupt culture, and we frequently do a poor job of helping get the needs met that have been pushed aside over, and over again. If the therapist cannot meet the need themselves they should help the client as best that they can to find ways to meet the need in another way (perhaps with a friend or partner). And we are all responsible for helping each other cope with and meet these needs.

I think assuming what others should do is idealistic and out of my control. To expect others to address emotional injuries from our individual pasts is an enormous burden to place on anyone. Few relationships can bear such pressure. Most importantly, I don't believe that we can often make use of others' help until we are healed enough to accept such help clearly.

I also don't see why fulfilling a need necessarily has to interfere with emotional work--that is the emotional work.

It interferes if it prevents me from becoming fully aware of the need and learning what meaning the need holds for me. If it is fulfilled before such awareness, then I remain unknown to myself. Fulfillment after such awareness is fine, but isn't always necessary.

And this whole thing about discouraging dependence is just really messed up. People--mammals--are dependent on each other in a profound way. That is how the biology works. I quite possibly need my therapist, and am dependent upon her more than any one else in my life. Assuming that the current cultural status quo on this whole topic is fine is highly problematic.

I'm not assuming anything about the culture. But I don't believe that people acting from unrecognized injuries and distorted thinking can be effective in cultural change. I believe that one has to heal the self before one can spread healing beyond the self.

It should not be that we just go to therapy to discuss our needs and resolve them, there needs to be a large cultural change so that people can really support and love each other, and so that people don't have to live with these horrible unmet--seemingly unresolvable--needs their whole life. It doesn't have to be this way.