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Ugh, I'm really struggling. I have absolutely no energy. If I wasn't on all these meds I would be suicidal I know. I'm struggling with agoraphobia and its embarrassing. I haven't left my apt in like 2 months. I feel afraid to leave. And bc I sleep or lay down so much my body really hurts when I move. I really need an AD but they seem to make me nervous. I want to cry so bad but these meds are keeping me from being able to. I missed therapy on Friday, it's just so hard when your in this severe of a depression. I hate Christmas, it's just so stressful. I see all you guys out living life and I'm like what's wrong with me? I'm sleeping like 14 hours a day. I just don't know what to do.
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I think the only thing that will help is to remember that it will end. Bipolar is a cyclical beast. Your previous depressions didn't last forever, and this one won't either.
Have you thought about getting a light box? Before meds, I got depressed in the winter pretty regularly (though the severity varied with the year). If you can't afford a light box, maybe open your blinds and let some light into your apartment. If the agoraphobia will let you, try to take a brief walk outside.
An AD might help you, but it could also do a lot of harm. Have you tried lamictal, abilify, or zyprexa? These meds aren't ADs, but they have AD-like properties.