Hi everyone. I had an interesting day today. The beginning wasn't so well. I was in a bad place emotionally. But later tonight as I was journaling my feelings I came to realize that I am tired of abusing myself and not showing my self the respect that I deserve. I am tired of everyone else also not treating me with any respect, but that is the I have taught them to treat me. I don't know why or how this all of a sudden came to me tonight, but I am so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired of my life and my situation. I am the only one who can change it, nobody else. I can't change other people, places, things, or situations, but I can change How I react to them. I have always had very low self-esteem, even as a child. It has gotten a lot worse since I haven't been able to work anymore due to my mental illness. I have felt "Less Than" for almost 6 years now, and I 'm sick of it. This is my life: I have a mental Illness and Poly Substance Abuse Problem. It is very difficult for me to deal with. I haven't been dealing with it in a healthy manner at all. I have decided that this is going to change. I am responsible for myself and I deserve to take better care of myself and feel good about myself. I can't rely on others to fill that spot for me. It has to come from within. I have been doing a lot of praying about my life. I think I have finally got the answer I waiting for.