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Old Dec 14, 2014, 01:47 PM
Tongalee Tongalee is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: world
Posts: 333
Quote:
Originally Posted by Asiablue View Post
I think I'm having a bit of a lightbulb moment right now.

I've been going to therapy with the intention of tackling the complex ptsd stuff but the relationship stuff always gets in the way, my fear of attaching, bonding, trusting my therapists triggers huge reactions in me. The work of dealing with the actual trauma memories slows down because of it.
So.... I wonder if when I go interview therapists that I explain that to them it might make them better informed in how to help me??? hmmmm
I think its great that you are realizing what is getting in the way of your trauma work with your therapist, but I think that it is a mistake to consider your trauma work and your work on being able to express your needs and attachment as different things, where one is capable of hindering the other. I too have C-PTSD and am having a difficult time being attached to my therapist. It is something that has been quite on topic since the holidays have started. One thing that has been pointed out to me multiple times is that these two issues are not separate. My unwillingness to admit my attachment to both my therapist and myself, my relentless standoff from my emotional needs, comes from my disturbing trauma history. One seems to interfere with the process of therapy because it is stirred up every time we begin to discuss trauma things. Ex. We start to talk about nightmares, and within the bad dreams I have a comforting thought about my therapist putting me to bed, warding off the monsters if you will. The trauma stuff is set to the side because I retreat due to my discomfort about the attachment dream. These two things seem separate, but they are connected. The fact is it was not safe to trust adults when I was little, and that worry and fear is still carried with me today. The idea of letting this adult into my life, my comfort zone, and my issues ignites that panic from when I was little. To start the trauma work, to be able to talk with her about what happened, I need to trust she won't hurt me. I need to let myself attach to her to learn what it feels like to depend and trust an adult, to know they won't hurt me. I hope that this makes sense, but I guess my bottom-line point would be that everything is connected and attachment issues is just as much the work of therapy as the trauma processing.
Thanks for this!
angelicgoldfish05, Asiablue, feralkittymom, newday2020