I'm not in the same situation you are in, because we don't visit my family at all, but we used to fight because my anxiety made me very uncomfortable when visiting my gf's family. She used to get really mad at me for not wanting to go do things with her family, & couldn't understand why I didn't want to go. She didn't want me staying at home alone, which didn't bother me at all. But at that time, I wasn't really standing up for myself, & I would just go in the end to shut her up. Now my anxiety is a lot more under control, & I enjoy spending the holidays with her family.

But anyway, I think that there should definitely be some discussion & an agreement on what the holiday plans are. Neither one of you should be telling the other what the two of you will be doing. You gave it a shot last year, & didn't really enjoy yourself. Don't do it again this year. You should get to see your family, too.