Hey there, could it be that you maybe have no psychical gender at all? It's called "Neutrois". They are actually many people like that. In some ways, I really feel like you. Unfortunately born in a female body, I would decribe myself as "mentally genderless with male tendencies". I agree with you that female sex organs look disgusting; and I'm not comfortable with my other female parts either. Made me feel quite hateful from time to time. Even though I'm usually attracted to men, there are some special women who I find very beautiful or attractive (even with their female shapes) - I just don't want to be like that. I don't feel like it. And somehow, I'm glad I don't. It's really hard to find yourself and inner peace sometimes, I know that. There are times you find it and it stays constant for a time, then, changes come again. That never really stops, I guess... but maybe it's good that way. I hope you'll be able to find your inner peace some day! Never forget that what truly matters is the inside. And with that, of course I don't mean inner organs - I mean your mind. The mind can be anything, the mind is free.