Samantha!

I am so happy that you are attempting to get into DBT. Even more-so; considering your experiences in therapy. Everyone here understands and would NEVER consider banning you because you shared your personal feelings, thoughts or emotions.

((On a side note: If a Moderator banned you for expressing yourself - then they might as well ban us all! In which case - they would no longer have a community, thus, there wouldn't be a forum! I assure you - the Moderators love us.))

You are safe here. We both need and want you here.

And as for therapy - I can assure you from the bottom of my heart - that you will find an unmatched level of safety. Despite how very painful it is to even consider at this point in your life - it is in your best interest to seek help through therapy. Specifically DBT - which you are doing admirably! At this point - it is vital for you to understand just how far you've come in recognizing your own needs for support - and the amount of strength that you have shown by pushing yourself forward. The fact that you are willing to put yourself in a place that is triggering for you - knowing how vulnerable it makes you feel - and maintaining eyes on the prize - it is both captivating and inspiring - and we love hearing about it!

We want to hear more - not less.

Your fear is valid. Any human being, let alone therapist - will understand it. They will help you to overcome this one step at a time. It is important to try and realize this - no matter how impossible it may seem.

I'm going to challenge you a bit... Perhaps you may hate me - but this is just my opinion, as your friend.

Sometimes the very best thing we can do is to face our fears. (Which you ARE doing) Problem is that we, as individuals - often become, 'paralyzed,' when an opportunity of growth presents itself... In your case - the fear of having to face a therapist is what stands in the way of your being heard, listened to, validated, understood - and potentially: what stands in the way of your being happy... It can be hard to rationalize things this way. Looking back - I wish I had a friend who was there to tell me when to face my fears. Someone who could literally see what was best for me - despite my intense fears and anxieties. Unfortunately I never found that friend and I avoided many opportunities for growth... But this is your life. Consider me (along with everyone else on this forum) a friend of yours. In saying this - I have your best interest in mind - and I feel the need to be the friend that I never had - and gently push you towards something that you fear - but that ultimately, can change your life.

You deserve to be listened to - and you deserve to be helped. And there are people out there who WANT to help you.

Nothing you share - could scare us away. So share on!!!

Thanks,
HD7970ghz