So you aired out a bunch of stuff. At some point you've got to just do what you're going to do and don't try to explain it or justify. When push comes to shove, she may be a lot more adaptable than you expect, if she has no alternative. Meanwhile, she's not going to give an inch.

What do you mean by living by her rules, while you are under her roof? Are you going to let her tell you what time you must come home? Don't knuckle under on things that are none of her business. If she throws you out, then leave. At age 36, it's high time you provided for yourself. Let her buy all the cemetery plots she likes. That doesn't mean you have to use them.

Also, you make a lot of assumptions about what your ex g.f. thinks. You need to keep an open mind.

Let your mother keep anything in that apartment that she wants. You're a young man in his prime. You can start from scratch. Just get out of there as soon as you can.