It was suggested by healingme4me that I post this here too and I thought it was a great idea, so here goes.

So a few days ago I found this awesome article...

What I Wish People Knew about Depression | World of Psychology

...and after reading it, I showed it to my husband of 22 years. I know my behavior can be very confusing for him sometimes, and I thought this article might help him understand me better. I especially liked the 'sneezing' analogy - I suppose partly because there is absolutely nothing dainty about the way I sneeze, and I never sneeze only once. It's usually more like at least 5 or 6 times. My personal best is 13...

Anyway, after reading the article, he just looked at me and said, "I didn't know you had depression."

I was absolutely stunned. He said he knew I had PTSD, but that was all. What I find so disturbing about this is that about 6 years ago he had me committed (with my cooperation) to a psych hospital where I was placed in the D&D unit. (Drug abuse and Depression) How is it this possible? He actually let me be locked up in a place to treat my depression and didn't know that was one reason I was put in that particular unit?

I don't know if he simply doesn't care enough to learn what PTSD really is, though I thought he did, or it he'd prefer that I just get over it. I later asked him how he couldn't know about my depression when I had been taking anti-depressants for a decade or so, and he said he didn't know what drugs I was taking. I have always told him what drugs I take and share any changes my pdoc makes just in case I have a bad reaction.

I don't know what to think about this. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt here, but frankly, I have always had this feeling that he just wants me to get over it and doesn't want to deal with it. I thought it was just my insecurities and paranoia. Now, I don't know what to think. I have been in the throes of a major depressive episode for a while now, probably the longest I have ever experienced. I see my pdoc on Thursday, thank God.

Is this my fault for not making certain he understood my illness? I've always shared as much as I think he can take. I don't talk a lot about the details of my childhood abuse simply because for one thing, who wants to hear about it, and second, I don't see how talking about it all the time makes things better. He is aware of the nature of the abuse, and I have shared some details that were relevant to our relationship in the sense that some of my triggers affect him as much as they do me. In short, I really thought he had a clue and now that I know he really doesn't, I don't know what to do with this new found knowledge. I cry everyday when I am alone. I don't cry around him anymore because one night a few months ago, I was crying over my frustration trying to find a job I really wanted and he told me to stop. Since then, I haven't cried around him.

He has never been like this - ever. The only thing I can figure out is that he's simply tired of dealing with it. I know I certainly am, so why wouldn't he be as well? Something has changed, and I can't explain it and I don't understand it, and I don't like the things I have begun thinking about that I thought I was long past thinking about - like simply wanting to disappear.

We have always had our ups and downs like any couple but we have always been faithful and devoted to one another. We consider ourselves to be soul mates, but ever since he made that comment, I am having serious doubts.

Is this normal for couples when one has PTSD or other MI issues? This is completely new territory for me.

Thanks for any input anyone may have.

WW