It definitely feels better to have it out in the open, rather than keeping it inside, regardless of the results. And you're right, I can't let her give me an inch, and I suspect she probably will be more adaptable than she says. It's the fear she's instilled in me all my life, and she knows it. Not anymore.

One thing I've started to realize, and this goes back to my very first post, being an only child, I was somewhat spoiled with material possessions, and have had the ability to purchase mostly anything I've wanted as an adult, and my Mom never had issue with that sort of thing. It feels like she's trying to keep me happy with "things" rather than with "someone." And I've fallen deeply into that; you have no idea how much I have. And for the first time in my life, I don't want it. In fact, I've begun selling stuff on eBay and online in the last several weeks. If my Mom wants me to pay her back for all of this stuff, that's what I'll do. I even feel better purging like I am. If I need stuff, like you said Rose76, I can start over, I'm still young enough. A lot of people in the world have started over. I guess that's a big step that I must now face, as I've relied on my parents for so long; they were always there to bail me out. As much as I blame myself for it, I feel as if I've been conditioned with this behaviour as well. My Mom never told me to go out and fend for myself, or try to make my own way in the world, she's always been there to help, so-to-speak.

That's the one thing I don't want to happen, self harm. If she wants to make herself miserable, that's her prerogative. But if she starts doing something like that, I'm not sure what to do. I guess I'll just have to cross the bridge when and if it happens.

My Grandfather is crazy religious. He considers movies, television, all fiction in general the work of the Satan. When I stayed at my grandparents place when I was little, I got yelled at for watching Sesame Street and cartoons. And now the kind of work that I do, the entertainment industry, just pure sin. My Mom grew up with that, although she doesn't feel that way about my career choice, and watches movies and TV. And she's an only child, just like I am, so I think a lot of bad parenting from him has finally sunk into her head. And since my Dad passed away, she now keeps a bible next to her bed, and started watching religious shows. It's odd, because my Dad was an atheist, as am I. And it's funny, in our talk yesterday, she said she knows I'm a non-believer, and that she doesn't cram her religion down my throat. But yet here she is, telling me I need to be with a Virgin. Talk about hypocrisy.

I chatted online with my best friend today, and told him what happened. He to came from a heavily religious influenced home, but had three brothers. He's living with a girl, and his parents don't chastise him. He's known my Mom since we were children, and he's both surprised and yet isn't with my Mom. He's shocked that she would go as far as disowning me over virginity, but like everyone else has said, it's not her choice or any of her business, it's mine. It's her choice if she chooses to not speak to me ever again, but I really doubt she would. And besides, once I'm on my own, she'll never know what I'm doing.

Once again, thanks to everyone and their input. Just writing this stuff out really helps me get through this, and motivates me. I'm so glad that everyone can see what's happening, and that I haven't done anything wrong, with no reason to feel guilty for any of it. Like I said before, I'm disappointed and feel as if my entire childhood was a lie. Despite some things, I thought I had a fairly good childhood, no abuse, family vacations were great, etc. I guess I just have to remind myself that she's either changed, or because of me becoming an adult, can't handle the idea of me growing up, and I can keep those good childhood memories regardless of what's happening now.