Well I found out a lot about myself and my current friendships in comparison to the love and acceptance I received in cali. It was very clear and evident I was right everyone ****ing sucks back home and they all treat me like ****, because I'm not into their culture and that's fine, but I was miserable I couldn't connect. I didn't care and I didn't like anyone here more resented. It carried over when I went to a wedding in cali, found out how many people were so much nicer to me there and people really liked me around than back home.

I didn't felt like I had to prove anything, I didn't feel for once I didn't have to care. I came back home now, wanting to go up to everyone and just give them the birds and tell them all go **** off. I don't need any of you and you don't care if I say this, because it's better off we never see each other again.

I felt a liberal and progressive state an new atmosphere and culture of california compared to ohio was beyond helpful for me emotionally. I had a place of belonging, now I feel sorta better not so sad anymore because I have something to maintain than tolerate. It has helped my loneliness a bit, but not much when I got back I am feeling it again back in the old shoes, but now I have something to look forward to.

I found out a lot about myself and what I'm really worth and who I am. I found out this city sucks and these people my "friends" I meet in every corner here don't care what I do. They are all acquaintances some are just closer to me than they should. It's why I didn't connect. I hated everyone here I gave so many chances to see if anything would be fruitful emotionally from anyone. All I get is ignorance, stupidity and humiliation from just being not what they want me to be.

All I can do is get mad and say **** you and your life, because no one cares about your habit of wanting everyone to fall for your fake personality you shadow with addicted happiness.

But enough of that.