Please try not to beat yourself up for what you did, Psyclox.
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all they did was talk really loud, but one of my friends did keep tuning me %#@&#! and mayb thats what set me off,
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I don't think these behaviors constitute "not doing anything." These behaviors were annoying to you, and
<font color="blue">you have a right to your feelings.</font> What we do not have a right to do is to express those feelings aggressively.
Had you asked your friends to tone down the noise before exploding? For the past 4 years or more, I have been working with Ts to recognize the bodily symptoms of irritation that can help me to express my feelings
before I reach the point of exploding.
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I wish I did feel sumthibg for what I did, but I don't, am I really that bad. I just can't believe how I flipped out on all my friends like I did, but I can at least say this I did apologize for what I said and did, not because I feel bad but because I had to.
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I have been so cut off from my feelings, I have not even been able to recognize when my irritation was growing. We
can learn techniques to manage our stress.
Perhaps your friends needed to be reminded to be more considerate, but perhaps just not in the way that you did it.
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Psyclox said:
and b4 any1 says anything it wasn't the beer,
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What makes you so sure that it wasn't the beer? I am a recovering alcoholic, and we never believe it's the booze. It can take months just to end denial. The alcohol overcomes inhibitions, whether you want to believe that or not.
I could write a lot more about this as it relates to my own journey toward being able to feel my feelings and express them appropriately, but this is your journey, and I have said enough already.
Please try to treat yourself with the understanding that many of us here will feel for your situation.