I really need some help and some encouragement (and I'm not sure how to ask either).

I've had a really really bad week...crippling anxiety and obsessing about 'what ifs' and replaying alot of tapes in my mind. When I really thought about it I realized it was a death that triggered it.

I've an online friend whose husband died unexpectedly on Sunday, Mother's Day - massive heart attack. She found him and I keep thinking of that.

Then a local (IRL) girlfriend's mother died early Thursday morning (this one expected), and one more local friend is at her mother's side waiting for her death any day now (expected).

But I've been also obsessing about deaths in my life...obsessing about the what ifs, what if my husband would die, and I thought about my nephew who died in 2000 at 12 yrs of age in the trunk of a rental car (and so I've been hypervigelant this week, trying to listen better, if SIL had listened more carefully would she have heard her son calling for her help?

...and my MIL's massive stroke a couple weeks later and her death soon after...I still can picture her face...

and I thought about my husband's youngest brother who died three years ago of cancer at 41...we were at his bedside and walked through the ordeal the years he was fighting it,

and I think an awful lot about my real parents, who died when I was ten, I keep obsessing about what their last moments were like...they were in a small airplane and surely knew for a few seconds something terrible was about to happen...

Can anyone help me diffuse these triggers or offer suggestions that I can handle to help me cope when death occurs?