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pinksoil said:
Based on what you have said, combined with what I said about my T having an evil wife that he wants to get away from-- leads to realize and accept that I actually yearn for my T to be unhappy. I am trying to figure out why this is. Part of me thinks that it is because if he is happy, then he is separate from me. I am unhappy, so he has to be unhappy. The only acceptable thing would be for us to either be happy together, or unhappy together.

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pinksoil, it seems to me that there is an alternative here. Instead of wanting your T to be unhappy like you, why not use the desire to be in sync with him as motivation to move towards happiness, where he is, then you will be both be happy, connected, etc.

That's progress that you had this important insight. It's great how therapy keeps going outside of the therapy room. I hope you can share this with your T. I think he will be able to handle it just fine.