This year is hard for me what with being advised that I'll most probably be laid off in the spring. I can't get excited, I can't even indulge in retail therapy because I need to save every penny.

I keep thinking about other years when I've been in trouble at Christmas, it isn't the first time I've been fighting for my job at this time of year. In December 1988 I was trying to prove myself in a new town, I was fighting discrimination and to keep my job, I lasted another two months before being fired. After that I just spiralled down and down until .....

Then in 1991 same pattern, wasn't fired but got a final written warning in November and then transfered to a lower paid job in December.

I know both of those are such a long time ago, but now they are as raw and fresh as yesterday. A month ago I was still hoping that getting into treatment might have me feeling a bit better by now, instead I'm plunged into yet another crisis.

Sorry for my wailing Fuzzybear, for me this year is pity party not christmas party. One thing I dislike more than Xmas is New Year, so even when the big one is out of the way I get hit by another wave of ughhh a week later.

((((((Fuzzy))))))