Hello blackmagic: What you wrote sounds very familiar. I won't go into allot of details about myself. I have quite a few posts in this forum you can read if interested. I will just offer that, from my perspective, if you are truly transsexual, it does not go away. If you're trans, you're trans for life. So it is important to address your trans-ness directly. I'm probably not telling you something you don't already know. The fact that you're now opening up & talking about this is good news. Hopefully it can be a first step toward figuring out what your solution to the trans dilemma will be. Best wishes.