My T is always so positive and encouraging. Even when she is pushing me beyond limits and I get super annoyed and defensive she is still there. Steady and containing. I keep waiting for her to let me down or disappointment and she doesn't.

Isn't that a good thing? Shouldn't I be happy? Yet the more she is wonderful, the more I push back. We had a rupture recently and I don't think it's my fault. T validates my feelings and hears my side out even when she doesn't agree.

Why am I so backwards? T behaves exactly how I would want or need and yet it makes me feel more ashamed of the giant eff up I am. I want to curl in a ball and hide.