I've been feeling the same way too lately. I hate the havoc mental illness has wreaked on my life, as well as the hurt and damage I've caused to anyone who gets too close to me.

I wish I knew ways to deal with and overcome it. For me, my religious faith helps some, as does practicing unconditional self-acceptance. I'm also slowly trying to re-shift my focus onto what's well inside me, instead of what's sick...because I believe that's where healing lives. There's part of me in here somewhere that's well, and I always have the freedom to make new and different choices, no matter whats happened in the past, and no matter what might be in the present. So FWIW I'd just say find and focus on your own power