Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
It sounds like both you and your mother have been living beyond your means for a long time. Also, you've been enabling each other to do that. That's a very hard pattern to break. You really don't know what it's like to have to totally depend on yourself.
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I don't think so much as living beyond our means, but just living in general. Things got rough when we moved to the farm, and it hasn't been the same since.
It's true, I don't really know what it's like to completely fend for myself. But I'm at a point where I want to be able to, regardless of the consequences. And at my age, it has to be now or never. I don't want to live like this anymore. I know how to pay bills, cook, clean, all that stuff. I can hold down a job, I have held down several jobs in my life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
Maybe you are lucky to have a mom who is willing to at least partially support you for 36 years. I don't think its the healthiest arrangement, but it seems to be what is required for you to pursue your entertainment career. We all have to make sacrifices for our dreams. Everything in life comes with a price. Maybe being on your own would involve you giving up on the career you dreamed of. That may be something you are not willing to do. And you have a right to make that choice.
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Don't get me wrong, and I told my Mom this as well the other day when we had our talk, I do love her and respect her, and I completely acknowledge and appreciate everything she's done for me, but there has to be a line. That includes having her help me financially. I told her once I go back to work full time, I'll not only pay her back what I owe, I'll start paying rent if she wants. Whatever it takes.
My career, if it needs to be put on hold, or never happen, so be it. But as I've said, this project I'm working on right now, could lead to something. It's a potential game changer on so many levels. Back in the summer when I was officially dating this girl, and had this project green lit, all my friends were so happy for me. They all said things were finally changing for the better, after all these years. But then Mom, killing the relationship that I so cherished. If it wasn't for this project I'm working on, I think I would be incredibly miserable and depressed; it's the only thing keeping me going right now - that and wanting out of my Mom's control.
This experience over the last few months has filled me with a sense of real purpose, and that relationships are truly the most important things in life. Everything I own, I don't want or need anymore, I'm ready to sacrifice it all for the sake of gaining my own independence. I love my Mother dearly, but for all the things that are going on in both our lives, financial or otherwise, she shouldn't have denied or threatened me into making a choice about someone I really care about, versus what she wants and thinks whom I should be with. She's made that very clear to me. And I feel absolutely sick about it, when I know there's this girl I could be with right now, who I'm sure feels the same way about me as I do her. No one said life is fair, but this feels wrong in every sense. I feel like my Mother is punishing me for having emotions and feelings for someone that isn't her.
I spend countless hours everyday and night thinking about this. I haven't had a good nights sleep in months. This is all I think about anymore when I'm not working. That's why came here, to try and makes sense out of all of this.