Sounds like you know what your options are and what your rights and responsibilities are.

Your mother didn't kill the relationship that you had. You chose to give it up. Until you stop blaming your mother for your decisions, nothing in your life is going to change.

You want to talk about what your mother should and shouldn't do. You see yourself as being stymied by what your mother does. You are trying to have your cake and eat it too. Either you will hang on to pleasing your mother for the security of her providing you a place to live and other support, or you will make your own choices and not worry about what she thinks of it.

Your mother is clear on what her goal is. She wants to keep you tied to her. So she engages in behavior designed to further that goal. Your mother is effective at getting what she wants from you. She is probably doing exactly what she should do to get what she wants. You're not clear on what you want, except that you want two competing things. Actually, your decisions reveal more about what you want than all your words do. You have never emancipated yourself from your parents. Had you done so, it's possible you might be homeless now. That's a scary thought. I don't blame you being scared. To give up a satisfying relationship to please your mother shows the depth and breath of your fear. Your mother didn't deprive you of this relationship. Your own fear did. It's very hard to overcome fear.

When you are contemplating possibly working at a fast food joint and living in squalid circumstances, as opposed to living in a nice condo and pursuing the career of your dreams, it's entirely possible that you just decided that this girl was not worth what going after her might cost you. Yes, you made the decision your mother hoped you would make, but you are the one who made the decision. As long as you will do only what your mother will "let you," you will stay just as you are. Step One is taking responsibility for your own decisions.

You can keep canvassing the opinions of your mother's friend and all your friends, and that has nothing to do with anything.

There are people for whom the parent-child relationship becomes and remains the most important relationship in live. It's not a crime.