I haven't been on here in awhile, but I am so stressed that I am pulling out all the stops and tapping into whatever support I can get, be it online or in person.

Over this past year, I've lost a considerable amount of weight (I don't know the exact amount because I refuse to know my weight-- all I know is I'm much smaller than before). I'm happy that my health has improved so drastically and that I am feeling more energetic, but now it seems I have a new problem-- I am struggling with a new eating disorder. I feel very ashamed all the time, I can't stand eating in public for fear that someone will comment on it, even though my snacks and meals are healthy. I'm living on low calories a day, even though my nutritionist says I should have a much higher daily intake. I can't stop thinking about food. My therapist (who specializes in eating disorders) is very compassionate and kind, and she is very good technically, but she admits she has never experienced what I have gone through, and sometimes you just need to talk to someone who understands your pain from a personal position. I am terribly scared of gaining weight, even though my nutritionist has explained to me how maintaining the good habits I have set up (proper nutrition, exercising the right amount) will keep me where I am. I was treated so horribly when I was obese, by the general population and by doctors as well-- in fact, if I can help it, I never want to see a doctor ever again. Their attitudes and demeanor towards me when I was overweight were shockingly bad. For example, I would ask them for advice on how to lose weight, and all they would say is that there are no magic pills-- I wasn't asking for a magic pill, I was asking for practical advice. That and other kinds of behavior have soured my view of them. I can't even talk about my weight loss to my friends-- all they say is how great I look now, they have no understanding whatsoever of the pain I am dealing with, and I feel that, because of their limited understanding and experience with having an eating disorder, it is hopeless to explain it to them.

Please, I need to know there are others out there who are going or have gone through the same thing. Please...