Sorry to everyone that knows me that I haven't been around. I haven't been doing well. I was in the hospital not long ago and now my t quit because she is having a baby. So I am t-less for know. The idea of finding someone new is too overwhelming.

I wasn't sure if I still belonged here or not. I don't know that I feel right at pc anymore, but that is just me I'm sure.

I try to stuff everything down, but I can only stuff everything down so far. I'm just so tired.

*Trigger*

I keep having a nightmare / flashback (Im not sure anymore) of my as a child with my mouth and hands taped. I an trying to scream but it is silenced. I can still hear the sound that comes out and see the tears fall. That child is still silenced even now.

On the outside I probably seem like everything is perfect. I am sucessful, Im in a happy marriage. But on the inside the children still scream and cry.

I'm not really sure how to move forward. Starting with a new t seems like it would be stepping back. I can't picture myself anywhere different that I am now.