Got my period today, bad cramps and ugh I feel nasty. More clouds today. I'm wondering if I'll ever see the sun again. It seems doubtful. Very depressed about the lack of good things in my life, I try to count my blessings and be grateful, but I always seem to come up short of where I wish I were. It's true, I'm doing better than a lot of the world. I have a house to live in (though it's really my parents' house, aka the landlord's house, and kinda run-down). I have some clothes (although they're getting old and holey and I can't buy new ones). I have food to eat (a lot of unhealthy dollar store food because we have no car to get to the better stores, and we always seem to have a near-empty fridge at the end of the month because they reduced our food stamps, so we run out sooner). I don't have any physical deformities or handicaps (although I am fat and ugly, and my body often fails me when I need it to do something - like, say, clean my room without getting too fatigued - even though I'm young.) But, other than these things, I really don't have anything. I have no happiness or social life or friends. I have no love. A lot of times I don't have peace of mind. Sometimes I feel cursed.

Ugh, gross. A spurt of period blood and horrible wrenching cramps.
That's another thing. I only have one pad left, and that has to last the rest of the evening and through the night and tomorrow morning. I am feeling way too bad to walk to the store to pick some up, and Mom won't go for me until tomorrow. And then I have to pay her for it. Does no one do things for others out of kindness anymore? Especially for your own daughter? I would pick them up for her today if our situations were reversed and she needed them. And I would pay for it.

Also, I don't know why hot4collegegirls is following me on Tumblr, as I'm not hot, or a college girl. Oh well. I'm not complaining.