I never worried about my weight as a child but it all changed at the age of 18, my parents were going through a messy divorce - my mum would take my dad back time after time and he treated us like crap.
I had lost my office job, the boss was a real ***** and when I was fired, my parents were so disappointed in me - and say "why can't you be more like your sister?" & "You're a failure, a waste of space".
I did shop work which was looked down on. I was told that I'd need to pay more money if I wanted to eat and that I ate too much. There were comments about me by family members - thunder thighs, are you eating for 2.
I just started skipping meals, working late so I didn't have to spend time at home. People were saying to me that I looked really well and this just made me want to lose more and more.
I started of in control but the Anorexia took over and I couldn't and didn't want to let go.
In my introduction I said I'd been battling my eating disorder for nearly twenty years and it's actually over that.
What I really hate is people telling me to snap out of it and eat - it's so difficult at times.
I've recovered before from anorexia several times but I struggle to maintain it.
Everyday is a struggle with food. I love food and I hate food.
I have seen several psychologists and my last one I found very sarcastic and felt she was judging me.
I still see my nurse, doctor and consultant.
With my eating disorder I suffer from severe depression and it's hell some days.
Some days the depression is worse than my anorexia.