Quote:
Originally Posted by Olanza-what?
1st
When strange things first started happening to me, doctors said it was “Altered Mental State”. I of course looked it up. Unfairly, it had multiple meanings. So, I got to choose which one best suited me. Of course, I choose seizure activity. After a year of living with a somewhat self-diagnosis the strange activity continued, as a matter of fact, it got worse. Here is a small list of the crap that was/is happening to me:
Seeing color spectrum – green, blue, yellow and red
Objects moving towards me
Electrical shock shooting up my left side
Left arm and leg moving spontaneously
Feeling like I’m falling off a cliff or going down a roller coaster
Loosing time
Not knowing how I got to a particular place
Seeing more things that aren’t there than normal (I’ve always seen ghost)
Feeling like I’ve been unplug (suddenly loosing all my energy
And the worse of them all
Feeling like the earth was pulling me underground
2nd
I have always been depressed, but it got worse after brain aneurysm. It got so bad that I ended up in hospital for a few weeks. While in the hospital I was diagnosed as having anxiety, Schizoaffective disorder with major depression and bipolar 1.
Of course, I researched all of these and found that the symptoms/issues are similar to altered mental state and simple partial complex seizures. Well that the f---! I’m all messed the heck up. I don’t know if I am coming or going, seeing or sleeping, laughing or crying, living or dying?
It seems to me that I have both schizophrenia and seizures. The medicines I take treat both. This is making me absolutely crazy. It’s no wonder that I spend most of my time thinking of ways to get out of it all. I’m trying very cautiously to not use the wrong words because I need to be heard. I need to hear from others diagnosed like me, or someone who could with out a doubt erase that thin line between the two. I don’t want to choose either of these. Right now? This very moment? My heart is trying to jump out of my chest, and I find it difficult to swallow. My heart is beating so freaking loud it sounds like I’m in the jungles of Africa. I don’t think no pill can fix this. Do you?
So what is it? Schizophrenia, Anxiety, Bipolar, Seizures? Or do I have em all?
Sweet Jesus, what is wrong with me? And can you please fix it now!
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I could go through all of the symptoms you listed and say: this is a hallucination, this is a delusion, this might be nerve damage, etc. But I don't think that will help you. Since it's well-established that thoughts lead to feelings and feelings lead to behaviors, I'd rather focus on thoughts.
Let's say I draw a circle. Then I draw a vertical line on the extreme right side of the circle. Then I draw a vertical line on the extreme left side of the circle. The space between the right vertical line and the border of the circle I'll call the "black" area. The space between the left vertical line and the border of the circle I'll call the "white" area. The space between the two vertical lines I'll call the "grey" area. The circle is a metaphor for life. Thus, most of life is in the grey area. Life is not exclusively black or white. Now, I have experienced almost all of the symptoms that you listed. I believe that every human being is unique. So I don't think you can view your symptoms (or my symptoms) as John Doe v USA. It's not a lawsuit. In my case, I believe my symptoms are a result of a synergy of genetics, environment, illogical thinking, and other factors that I simply do not know.
So, I don't think the answer is pure schizophrenia, nor do I think the answer is pure Simple Complex Partial Seizures. Your answer is probably in the grey area. But I don't know.