I just introduced myself in a general way to the group. I didn't realize I could actually discuss my psychiatric disorders openly. I am 59 and dx with borderline, severe depression and bipolar type 2 although there are days this computer can read my thoughts. I usually stay away from it during those periods as it freaks me out to see what I was thinking of right in front of my eyes. I have 4 siblings but only one is alive now. The other two (both brothers) found life too hard to cope with. The last words my father said to me before he died was "Why don't you do the world a favor and kill yourself." So I tried. I crashed 3 times and my husband was told I would not make it through the first night. Bit I did. It has taken me a year of mourning what I thought should have happened did not occur as I planned. I am not starting to think maybe there was a reason I was meant to survive. I am not close with my birth family as my sister is too busy being the "golden child" and my mother is incredibly controlling and knows how to push my buttons. She does not understand anything to do with psychiatry and calls it "jibber- jabber". This last year I have spent a lot of time in and out of hospital. I have had 40 plus ECT's over a period of 10 years. The last round did snap me out of my depression for a short time. My psychiatrist has me interlinked with community groups as I am too "toxic" for the programs they run at the hospital he works in. I see him eery 4 - 6 weeks. I now have a case manager and am linked into services near where I live. I would love to link up with some borderlines as that disorder rules my life with a vengeance. It would be wonderful to talk to someone who has experienced what I have gone through.