Hello everyone,

I have always imagined a split in my person: a strong/assertive/personable side, and a timid side. I usually go up and down, but lately I have been beating myself up (psychologically) a lot. Sometimes for no apparent reason, my stronger side will just berate the weaker side with insults and personal attacks.

Last year, I worked hard to gain the ability to listen to my self-talk, so now I can identify what is being said and how I feel when these things happen. The other day, I was walking and my mind was clear... the next minute my stronger side was just insulting (there really isn't any other word for it) my weaker side. I listened to the scene while it played out, and then I started feeling bad for my weaker side, who was taking a beating for no reason. So I kind of took a more offensive role, and started thinking about exactly what was happening.

Please bear with me...
One of my favorite television shows features a main character, a timid/shy boy, who wears a medallion that is inhabited with the spirit of an assertive king from another time. When there are challenges in the boy's life, the king takes over the boy's body (peacefully, as they are great friends), and stands up to any bullies that threaten him.

As I thought about what was happening inside of my mind, only one coherent thought/question came up: Would the spirit ever do this to the boy? I feel strongly about these characters (and used their actual names) and I know (and feel) for absolute fact that the stronger one would never ever say anything cross about the boy.

This question has been stuck in my mind for a few days now, and I can't reason a good answer... other than my situation is different, and maybe, in my case, the words are actually true.

Does anyone have any insight as to what is going on? Can anyone identify with my experience, and what did you do once you realized what was going on?

Thank you,
Pkey


Here is a more another, more abstract description:
I know that the things my stronger self says are untrue, but they are the things that my mother says to my father about me. I almost feel like my stronger self uses those words not as my mother intended them - like my stronger self feels something toward my non-stronger self and is using the power behind those words to attack rather than the words themselves. I know that the words themselves are untrue, but since my stronger self uses the emotion behind the words rather than the words themselves, I guess it seems like they cut through my defenses. (I can usually shrug off any direct insults if I know that the words are untrue and there is no emotion behind the words).