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Anxious Minds · Dec 16, 2014, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mefisto

Guys, im on the edge again. Two of mine friends have busy lives and cant support me during this time when i need it the most. The girl that i had crush on, keep ignoring me and declining my offers to meet again. I decided to delete her from social network before she would delete me first. lm such a loser. I feel so attracted to girls while they always hurt me. Recently i plunged deeply in the memories of my life. It was like watching bad, ridiculous, awful and cheap movie about a awkward guy who failed every aspect of social life. After i rewatched my life, the suicide urges started to appear again. I dont want to be addicted on those stupid zoloft pills once again, but it seems like the only way. Is there anyone here who had such deadly depression and was able to escape it? Except for vital - dude, i respect you, but it seems like your depression wasnt so bad in the first place. Your thread that you keep promoting could not help me, unfortunately. But thanks anyway.

I've battled depression all my life, but there was a period when I was 15 when I battled with the thought of suicide. It was one of the most hellish times of my life. Basically, the thought of getting a gun and shooting myself kept pervading my thoughts, and no matter what I did I couldn't push it out. The only thing I was able to do at the time was keep resisting it. I knew that, despite the fact I had these thoughts in my head, what I had to do was just not follow through with them. Basically, I realized at the time that it's not the thought of suicide that actually kills you...you have to decide to act on that thought in order for it to happen.

Of course, I didn't know much about myself, depression, or anxiety at the time. I was basically ignorant on the subject and just sort of like a swimmer who was drowning and my only goal was to keep my head above water so that I didn't drown.

When you hit the edge like that, there's one thing that you can do above all else...and that is just remain. Just stay alive. You may not know the reason, you may not see the solution, but you keep it in your head at all times that you refuse to act on the thought.

I think if you can do that much, it will buy you the time to find things that will work for you. Just stay alive. Refuse to act on the thought. And keep searching for the way out of the darkness.