I think there's a way you could start to change now. When you have an impulse to comply with your mother's disrespect for you boundaries, find small ways to rebel. Think of how Ghandi led the people of India to defy the British in little things. He told them to make their own cloth and to make their own salt, each activity forbidden by the crown.

Your natural impulse is to answer your mother promptly, when she asks what could be an innocent question. However, these are not usually innocent inquiries. They're fishing expeditions for evidence of what you might be doing that goes against her wishes. So, when she asks something, try saying, "Well, Mom, I don't know if I should answer that. I'm afraid it's going to lead to you finding fault with me." Even if you end up answering, you've delayed giving automatic compliance. Make yourself really obnoxious by employing this technique even when your mother is truly asking an innocent question. Like your mom asks, "Are we getting low on milk?" You demure with, "I don't know if I should risk answering. This might be one of your trick questions." This way you get out of the knee-jerk habit of responding to her in the way she has trained you to respond. This could be very self empowering. Play with her head a little. Use your imagination to sabotage her control of you. Turn the tables. Act like you don't hear her sometimes. Make like you misheard her and respond with something irrelevant. Throw her off base.

You're smart and good with language. Use that skill to give her a run for her money. Give her misinformation. Then laugh at her when she calls you on it. Say, "Oh, I'm just teasing you, Mom." Don't play the game on her terms. She is going to get annoyed, but you'll discover that her being mad does not put your life in jeopardy.