First of all, I am glad you got all of this off your chest. Now......Christmas is supposed to be a time of great joy not great anxiety! If one or both families are making your Christmas miserable then I suggest that you just don't go to visit them. They don't have to like it and when they get angry just tell them you will not visit them until they change their attitude and treat you, your spouse and your children with the love that you all deserve. It's just a suggestion but I know it's what I would do.