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Dec 17, 2014, 10:32 AM
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Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,820
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She has it rationalized to where she feels she is actually looking out for your best interests. Oh, she certainly cares! She does not see how selfish she is and how stifling her clinging is to your being able to breathe spiritually. She is desperately fearful of being without you, as she derives all her identity from this excess interdependence. But, as the Budda said, "To understand all, is to forgive all." This is the only way she knows how to be. It's like she is shipwrecked out at sea, and you are her raft. But change that pattern, and you may actually liberate her as well as herself. The only way you'll drag her to sanity, though, is with her kicking and screaming. Like you suggested, she may have been parented in a similarly suffocating manner. It's all she knows.
Once in a while, do something reassuring to her . . . leave her a little bunch of violets or a single rose, with a note that she will always be important to you. She fears utter abandonment. She doesn't want to be replaced. Now and then, tell her she never will be.
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