Maybe I wasn't clear. My kids grew up with me suffering with BPD. I did not have a lot of healthy coping skills. Yes we moved a lot yes there was chaos. No I did not have the DBT for living life effectively. They watched me go into the hospital 4 times. They lost their father to a heart attack when they were young. They never saw effective interpersonal relationships cuz I did not have any.

Two of them are 5 PT's above mental retardation so they have very low level jobs. They do not have the reasoning and logic skills to solve problems. Of course they do not see these things as obstacles due to their low IQ and those limitations.
They lack DBT skills they have ADHD. They lack the skills and knowledge they would have received from
Parents without mental illness.

I believe they could have a better run in life if they go through DBT training. It is not necessary for them to forgive me unless they want to I don't care if they go into a therapist office with me and scream at the top of their lungs about how horrible they think their childhood was. I want them to get any and all pain out in the open so we can talk about it and they can heal if that is necessary. I just want them to have the best and happiest life they can so I want to fix what they lack due to their childhood experience or lack of.
I don't want them to think I think they are sick and need help. I just want them to learn what I know now. I want them to have more tools.