"Learning of reasons why equates to why is something I have yet to be able to come to accept or forgive." quote Underground

I think you need to "grieve" it first before any kind of acceptance or forgiving can even come close to taking place. Human beings are allowed to grieve you know, it leads to taking steps to having a voice and enacting change that can be positive for not only self but others as well, especially one's own offspring. You have a lot of anger in you, can't blame you for that either, you need to let that out, but in the right way, not by taring others down to be "more than". But thats what anger can lead to "without" the "whys".
It's a kind of "I need control as an adult, to be better than to make up for not having that growing up".

Yes, I have been "hurt" by that kind of "anger" , I have chosen to try to understand it better. Yes, my husband and father and others I have come across have expressed some of the criteria that fits into NPD too. Not "all" the criteria though, however, some of the criteria is rather prominent. Some of these symptoms can soften with age too.