"Can't express myself". Really? I think you're amazing. I can FEEL your pain. You use words to paint the most vivid picture I have ever seen. Your post transported me back in time. A time when I was feeling EXACTLY like you're feeling. I'm going to write some lyrics to Gloria Gaynor's I AM WHAT I AM.

I am what I am
I am my own special creation
So come take a look
Give me the hook
Or the ovation
It's my world
That I have to have a little pride in
My world
And that's not a place I have to hide in
Life's not worth a dam
Till I can say
I am what I am

I am what I am
I don't want praise I don't want pity
I bang my own drum
Some think it's noise I think it's pretty
And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle
Why not see things from a different angle
Your life is a shame
Till you can shout out I am what I am