</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sister said:

When I make the call to him, I suffer while I am waiting for the return call becaue I fully expect at any moment for him to tell me that I am calling too much or he can't accommodate me. I expect him not to be there for me just like my parents were not there for me. It is excruciating.


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Exactly how I feel when I call my therapist. "Excruciating" is the exact term for the wait for the call back. And the "expect at any moment for [my therapist] to tell me I am calling too much......like my parents were not there for me." That part has stopped me from calling more than half the time...

and the reasons i need to call back...i think i can agree exactly about your first two reasons. the immediately after-session discomfort need and the can't make it til next session need. i think only 3 or 4 times in the past three years I've asked for an extra session in a call.

also talking on the phone always feels awkward to me...always. and sometimes i end up feeling worse! it is easier for me to misunderstand my T's voice/tone/intentions on the phone...than when my T is sitting in front of me...and so I get hurt easier on the phone.

my T usually calls back when I tell her I need her to. sometimes i call...but she isn't certain whether I need her to call back or not, because I haven't indicated it.

or i say something like: "If you want to or need to call me back" ... making it for her to decide...when I probably should say I need her to.

so we tried to make it that, in order to speak my needs, I should not really expect her to call unless I specifically and directly request it....sometimes that hurts....because it is so hard to ask for it sometimes (because of how I dislike myself and think i deserve nothing)

so the response is a mixed thing.

it is a harder thing now...since that I'm in the middle of trying to get back into therapy with her after almost a 3 month break...and i'm getting more anxious because i haven't really talked to her for a while and wonder if things will be "broken" when i return.