I think it is a blessing for you. As has been noted above, the reading of your posts definitely gives the impression of a roller-coaster ride. Makes me think of the Boardwalk in Santa Cruz and all those people shouting in a mixture of fear and excitement.

It cannot be denied that roller-coaster rides do provide excitement and that with all that has been going on, at least you have not been bored out of your mind. It cannot be stated that your life is monotonous, routine, lackluster, and predictable to the point of yawning.

And it is fun to have such a life, especially as a young person.

But sometimes still waters with no storm are good for a change. The ocean is beautiful both at the time of storm and at the time of peace and quiet - the beauty is starkly different but it is there.

I think you have weathered enough storm and need to treat it as a blessing, relax, have fun, sleep in, not worry at all, get a trendy nail polish or a new handbag (not as being materialistic but as symbols of a beginning of a new life) and, most importantly, learn to say: "Whatever".