hello I have just been dx BPD about a month ago. Before that I was dx bipolar II (10 years prior). I am really struggling with a lot of things (binging, spending money, not having a job, relationships- just broke up with BF, and started cutting again after 10 years clean). The thing I have the most problem with is depression... I get so depressed that I can't do simple things like get out of bed, I miss appointments, I miss HUGE opportunities that are absolutely stupid to let pass by, I miss things that the universe is sending me to do, but I have no motivation to them.
I try to do them, but the second I mess it up I get even more depressed than where I began and then shame myself for my lack of 'willpower' that I can't just snap out of it. Then I tell myself I'll do well. For about a week, I do. I go to the gym everyday, I get out of the house, I feel like i'm on top of the world, but then guess what? It comes back again. A week later, I can't leave my house, can't even shower. And bam! another amazing opportunity comes along .. like a job interview... or an audition... or something... that most people would jump and say don't **** that up. But of course, I'm too depressed I **** it up. Then th ecycle starts again- I call myself lazy. stupid. and I just want to die.

Does anyone have this?