I am here for ways I can do my part to help my relationship and different perspectives. Please don't simply say leave, or he's no good or you need to end it, as I want to stay for my own reasons I don't want to get into.

He's a self admitted EMU man with engulfment fears and identity and self esteem issues. I'm EMO and have abandonment issues. He was raised by a cold mother and abusive stepdad not knowing his father, I was raised later by a controlling mother and dad was away in my teen years and much of my you get years was working. He too is emotionally unavailable.

That being said, I feel often that my guy does things as a distancing method and this triggers great anxiety and pain in me and I lash out. Example- hey baby, I thought we would do x y z on Friday which I know you like. What would you like to do Saturday night (which would be for me as I planned Friday for him )

Him- well it's Tuesday that's a week away. (Not interested even though he knows after two years I like to get excited about the weekend and plan together and share)
Me - but looking forward to the weekend helps get through the work week, makes it less painful
Him- well, my job is stressful and if I'm not thinking about it I could get hurt (electrician)

Me- you're not at work now
Him- (in a snarky tone ) no I'm thinking about sleep (he was calling me from bed while I was in Texas)

I took that personally and it said to me he had no interest in Indulging me and making me happy. I do so much for him. Cook, clean, sex, happy smile when he gets home, beautiful meal cooking, laundry, awesome surprises, I'm generous, fun, sexy and thoughtful.
His family really liked me too.

Another example.

It's Saturday night I'm here in Texas he's home in Nevada. I haven't talked to him for a few days. He didn't even check to see if my plane landed safe. I finally get a text and reach out and call. He deliberately ignores me all night even though I didn't leave any messages, say anything bad, nothing. Usually I might freak a little and get suspicious but I've worked on that and gotten lots better at trust (I had good reasons for being suspicious but I won't get into that)

He tells me later when we talk, I knew you were just checking up on me that's why I ignored you.

I fail to see how that's a constructive way to communicate. It created insane anxiety in me so bad I had an intense panic attack the worst I've had. This isn't the first time he's done this. I needed just to hear his voice,to connect, that's all.

There's a lot more, this is just a few examples. He's 40 and I'm 37 and I just want normal communication. He's very secretive, won't let anyone in, constantly pushes me away then changes his mind. There's only me, none else, he does let me look in his phone etc.

He fails to see though that the constant " I hate you don't leave me" behavior triggers up my emotions and I do lash out. I've gotten better at it, lots better though.

We can have an amazing few days and out of the blue he will text me saying to away, leave me alone, I never want to see you again. This after some true good time together.

He will wake up sometimes after drama and say, " I'm going to be nice to you today". Isn't that I itself an admission saying he knows he's not nice?

How can I go on merrily when he flat out has told me, " I don't mean to sound mean but when you tell me this or that, or things you do....I don't really care about what you do".

He doesn't want to hear about my life or day.

He doesn't want to plan for the weekends together.

What the hell are we supposed to talk about?