Dear friend, your posts always intrigue me and touch me.

I can certainly identify with your feeling that you're just waiting to die.

That is why, you need to give yourself a purpose in life. One great way to do that is to dive head first into your hobbies and whatever brings you joy ... whatever you consider a worthwhile expenditure of your time and energy. So you can look back at it and cherish the memory it leaves. I think you mentioned photography, which is great, btw. Go places, see things, lose yourself in your art. So much so, that you don't have time to ponder over the reason that girl has not texted you today. Give it your best shot !

The second part of the solution I'm proposing has to do with what I call the "zero expectations" approach to life. This means that you expect NOTHING from ANYONE or from life. Do your best, and accept whatever you get. This means that you don't give someone else control of your emotions. If that girl doesn't text you, you just don't give a damn, because you are too busy cropping that beautiful sunset picture you took an hour earlier. If someone spits on your face, you tell yourself that person must be having a bad day. You say, "Have a nice day.", and move on to the next part of your day. So, this approach also includes compassion for others. DO NOT LOSE YOUR CALM OVER THINGS YOU CANNOT CONTROL.

Consider this analogy: You're going through your life on an express train, and you make very few stops, allowing others to climb on. If they climb on, great, but if not, it doesn't matter. The train has a schedule to keep. It doesn't wait around forever for others. You just keep steaming towards your final destination - your goals and your purpose and the causes you consider worth living for.

From personal experience, and having tried so many different solutions, I am confident that if you give this approach your best shot, you will see some positive change.

Sincerely hope this helps you in some way.